Okay the human fruit-identifying schema that makes us want to shove brightly colored and/or shiny objects into our mouth is hilarious and all but now I want to say consider the possibility of aliens with other dietary needs who don’t get this reflex but not because they don’t have it but because they have this impulse towards different things, so like, two bored coworkers walking around together, one of them points towards a shiny wall lamp,
“is this fruit gummy?”
“-nah, I mean. maybe? maybe if it was clean? it’s not doing it for me.”
“alright I think I’m getting it now.”
the human nods, and points at a bundle of wires, “that’s forbidden lunch though right”
the alien, gravely, “there’s enough voltage in those wires to absolutely kill me and I want to lick it so badly.”
nods. “Forbidden lunch.”
A third coworker who is neither of the first two’s species, “I hate both of you and I hate that you have to have this conversation in the generator.”
pause. “Cranky you can’t eat the uranium rods aren’t you”
“DON’T PULL ME INTO THIS. I PHOTOSYNTHESIZE, LIKE A REASONABLE PERSON.”
Some kneading techniques that I have observed
Mochi, claws out, DIRECTLY into my tender flesh: The Acupuncturist
I’m both pro herbal medicine and pro vaccination because you can treat burns with aloe vera juice and sore throats with lavender infused honey but you can’t rid a country of polio with plants.
THIS.
Don’t forget kids, jewelweed is a natural counteragent to poison ivy rashes but it won’t do shit against whooping cough
Mint for nausea, valerian and chamomile for sleep, antibiotics for fucking infections.
I’m in love with this post
Thinking about this conversation from Discord
Now see, this really pisses me off (the “kids are resilient” thing, not your response to it) because there has been study after study about what actually happens!!!
If the kid receives support during/after the traumatic event, they get stronger.
If the kid does not receive support during/after the traumatic event, they get fucked up.
True resilience in kids has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS been the result of the support they receive.
“i will buy this game and then i will DEFINITELY play it later!”
This post gets funnier over time
you're laughing. charles dickens had a son named plorn and you're laughing
HE HAD A SON NAMED
WHAT
Plorn
NICK I LOOKED IT UP AND SAW NOTHING OF THE SORT IS THIS A PRANK
technically his name was edward but everyone called him plorn
Edward “Plorn” Dickens. my god.
I have something worse
oh???
imagine getting stuck with the nickname Plorn
imagine getting sent to live in the Australian outback when you were sixteen
WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO MY BOY PLORN
I have an answer to that one too
The face of a man whose father nicknamed him Plorn.
Born without a groove 😔
Not just any paper maps, they had textbook sized atlases of the entire delivery area with each street meticulously mapped out.
These were insanely handy and a new edition came out just about every year to stay up to date on construction and road changes. I remember stocking my car with these for any of the cities I tended to travel to because they were the only way to actually get anywhere unless you wanted to call a friend and get very in depth instructions on how to get there.
AAA is now mostly known for roadside assistance, but at one time their primary business was MAPS.
For a few bucks a month you could become a Triple-A member and yeah, roadside assistance was one of the perks. BUT ALSO you could pick up the phone, call their 1-800 number, and tell the human operator who answered that you were planning a road trip.
They'd get your starting and destination address. Ask a few questions: what kinds of hotels you liked, preferred gas stations, any interest in touristy things?
Then in 7 to 10 days you'd get a thick package in the mail of carefully customized maps. Each map was the size of a paperback book cover, perfect for holding in the passenger's or driver's lap. Each was enumerated starting at #1 and ending at #whatever number of minimaps the trip required, with a hand-drawn highlighter path drawn on the map marking the route from one edge to another; entrance & exit points for that section of the route.
Motels, gas stations, and (if requested) tourist traps were indicated in color coded ink -- again, by hand. Sometimes detours were drawn in red marker, overriding the printed map because AAA kept up to date on road closures & regional disasters.
These maps were customized for your particular trip, and were invaluable since GPS did not exist. Unless you were familiar with the local region, the alternative was buying a map at the next gas station and guessing.
GPS is amazing and I wouldn't want to give up the ease & simplicity of Google Maps, but my god the old tech was miraculous too in its own way.
kaysdenofchaos
